Utter Nonsense
by chop chop master onion
Summary: the name speaks for itself....
1. Default Chapter

Utter Nonsense

By: chop chop master onion

Chapter one

That Smoldering Pile of Ash Used to be my Brain

Master noodles, the pretty blonde!

Vash, the man whore!

Link, the homosexual!

Ed, the….ed

Ein, the dog!

            Gary Newman's song "cars" playing in backround….a pretty blonde girl driving a silver convertible corvette (mah dream car baby!!!), hair blowing in the wind. Of course, she is moi, chop chop master onion. Her name….Master Noodles. Which is funny because that's my name. Anyhoo….

Voice 1: hey, girl, wake up!

Voice 2: I think she's dead

Voice 3:I hope she's dead

Voice 2: your just mad 'cuse your gay

Voice 3: shutup!

Voice 1: ed thinks she's pretty!

Dog: bark!

Later……….

Master Noodles: *eyes open slowly*

Voice 1: *very close and loud* Hi! I'm Ed!

Master Noodles: *jumps*   …

Ed: and this is Ein!

Ein: bark!

Voice 2: *runs over* hey, hey! How dare you not introduce me to this pretty girl?? *drools* I'm Vash….. *takes hand suddenly serious* it is an honor to meet a woman of such fine….*looks a little lower* 

Ein: bark!

Ed: and this is link, he hates women!

MN: uhhh….nice to meet you all…

Vash: *serious, eyes sparking* I saved you from an inevitable fate, and destiny brought us together…..

Link: cut the crap! She was sleeping and you kidnapped her.

Vash: but-but-but-but that's not how it happened!! It all started when…

Link; oh no, I sense a flashback….

Ein: bark!

Black and white flashback: Master Noodles sleeping in her bed. Her alarms going off but she doesn't seem to hear it. Her old house steps are creaking as if someone was walking up them slowly, dragging something heavy.  At the top of the stars now,  it slowly creeps down the hall towards her room, still sounding like its dragging something _of great mass_ (inside joke, my friend told me not to use the word "heavy" again) it stops at her doorway, a shadow, and not the sound of gunfire but the smell of gunpowder makes her slowly start to come to.  The figure at the door stops suddenly, the sound of thick liquid oozing to the floor, the shadow falls.

Link: wait, wait…. Are you telling me YOU killed someone????

Vash: actually, I didn't do a thing! I was simply hanging from her window ledge when this happened.

Link: and what were you doing there????

Vash: uhhhh….. cleaning it?

Ein: Bark!

Vash: anyways, I didn't want to leave her there anymore than I wanted to touch that thing in her doorway…..

MN: well, thanks. I guess….

(the other chapters will be longer I swear….it looked a lot longer on paper….heh…)


	2. and so the madness continues

Utter Nonsense

chop chop master onion

chapter 2

And so the Madness Continues 

Master Noodles, the pretty blonde!

Introducing Pogo, the invisible monkey friend of MN's with a spring for legs!

Vash, the man whore!

Link, the Homosexual!

Ed, the…..ed

Ein, the dog!

Introducing narrator, the jackass!

*somehow they made it to a sleezy motel somewhere in the land of Trigun…*

Link: so…what do we do with her?

Vash: I don't know what _YOU_ would do, but I know what _I_ would……

Ein: bark!

Ed: ed wants to be her friend!

MN: im blonde, not deaf…..and im still here!!

Pogo: just say the words, toots….

MN: no!

Link: who are you talking to?

MN: uuuhhh…

Vash: you don't need to answer to HIM.  *takes her hand, leans closer as if to kiss her* we were meant for each other….

Link: my butt itches.

Ein: bark!

*rapid knocks on door*

Ed: *looking through the peep-hole*  ed says we should go now! Ed sees hotel manager found out money was monopoly money!

*link, ed, ein, run for window*  

Vash: but I was gunna score!

MN: no, you weren't

*all jump out of window, unfortunately, their room is 3 stories high*

All: *screaming* CRASH!!!

Vash: is everyone ok? Master Noodles?

MN: im fine….

Ed: ed actually feels better!

Ein: *falling, barking, vash catches ein*

MN: well, that's everyone, lets go!

Link: *on the bottom of the pile* mmnf mnmf mnn??? (what about me???)

MN: oh yea, thanks for breaking our fall.

Hotel manager:  *cursing and yelling at them from the 3rd floor window*

Vash: and that's our cue to exit!

All: *run away*

MN: link, you run like a fag.

Link: guys, don't make me run, I'll get all sweaty!

Pogo: hey, Noodles! Watch this! *trips link, link falls into mud*

MN and Pogo: *laughing hysterically*

Link: why do you enjoy humiliating the gay man?!?!?!?!

MN: *repeating pogo so everyone can hear* ther are 3 things we cant stand in this world: how French women are hairier than baboons; homosexuals; and hippies

Link: well, I used to be a hippie back in the day….

Pogo: burn him, Noodles, get it over with….

*yelling of the hotel manager chasing them, cursing, gunshots*

Narrator: after a while of running, they come across a cliff. Don't ask where it came from, this stories got more plot holes than Battle Toads!

MN: hey, stay on topic!

Narrator: up yours! I don't even have a name! Where did I even come from???

MN: oi vey…. Just cue to the next scene……

Narrator: that's MY line, wench.


	3. whatever happened to common sense?

Utter Nonsense

chop chop master onion

chapter 3

whatever happened to common sense?

Master Noodles, the pretty blonde!

Vash, the man whore!

Link, the homosexual!

Ed, the….ed

Ein, the dog!

Narrator, the jackass!

Introducing Amaya, the friend of MN's in real life!

*all come to a screeching stop just before falling off the cliff*

Link: where'd the cliff come from??

Narrator: that's what I'd like to know…

Master Noodles: can it, narrator. Stick to the script, will ya??

Female voice: hello? Is there someone there?

Vash *snaps* a damsel in distress!

Link: and that's my cue to exit…

Vash, hold on, I'm coming down to get you! Hehe haw haw!!!!! Toot! Toot!!

All: * have to grab on to Vash to keep him from jumping head first off the cliff*

Female voice: up here!

All: *look up*

Female voice: *sitting on ledge above them* hello!

Vash: whoops…

MN: how did you get up there,-

Female voice: Amaya.

Vash: well, Amaya, why don't you come down here and show me your-

Ein: bark!

Vash: and then I can show you my-

Ein: bark!

Amaya:  excuse me???  Please slap him for me-

MN: Noodles. Master Noodles. And it would be my pleasure  *slaps Vash*

Vash: ow!! What??? I was talking about baseball cards!!

Ein: bark!

All: *silence* 

Link: ooookk this is getting weird

Ein: bark! *chews on link's groin*

Link: EEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

MN: look, lets just help Amaya down…

Ed: human ladder time!!!

Link: why do I always have to be on the bottom?

All: *snicker*

Link:  ……oh, shutup….

*link, Vash, MN, ed, all pile up, standing on the person below them's shoulders*

ein: *climbs the human ladder, jumps up to the cliff where Amaya is, pushes her so she falls on ed, the ladder collapses* 

all: ow….

Vash: are the ladies ok?

Link: im ok….

All: *glares at link*

MN: could someone please whack my hernia back in?

Ed: sure thing- *raises baseball bat above head*

Vash: *takes bat just before ed swings it*

Amaya: so is ed a girl or what?

Ed: ed is not girl! Ed is ed!

Ein: bark! *heads for link's groin*

Link: oh no you don't!  *climbs tree* good things dogs cant climb trees!

Ein: *walks over to tree, lifts his leg….*

Link: d'oh!

Amaya: cute dog

All: *laughing, walking away*

Link: don't leave me here! I'm very fragile!


	4. Floosies in Las Vegas? thats MADNESS!

Utter Nonsense 

chop chop master onion

chapter 4

floosies in Las Vegas? That's MADNESS!!

Master Noodles, the blonde!

Vash, the man-whore!

Link, the homosexual!

Ed, the….ed

Ein, the dog!

Narrator, the jackass!

Amaya, the smart one!

All: *walking on a long narrow road*

Vash: *singing, listening to headphones* millions of peaches, peaches for me….

Narrator: so, where'd this "narrow road" come form? Very descriptive, by the way…

MN: shutup! I don't need you-

Vash: *louder* MILLIONS OF PEACHES, PEACHES FOR FREE!!

Amaya: *yawn* I'm getting tired.. lets find a place to stop

Vash: *takes headphones off* I will do the manly thing and carry you! Haw haw haw! *tries to pick her up but trips and falls on top of her*

Amaya: get off me!! IM NOT TIRED! IM NOT TIRED!!!

Vash: heh..sorry…

Eveyone else: *rolls eyes*

Link: say, Vash… I'm kinda tired….*winks*

Vash: ew man, that's just creepy…

Ein: bark!

MN: hey, where are we anyways…?

Vash:  why, Las Vegas! Where else would we be?!?

*lights pop out of nowhere , blinding them, flashing everywhere*

Vash: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

All: …

Vash: lets go do what Las Vegasians do!

Amaya: which is….

Vash: *inaudible whispers*

Amaya: ew!

MN: *in her never ending blonde moment* hey, guys! I saw a sign about a bar where men dance with men! That sounds cute!

Link: and where exactly is this…

Ein: bark!

Ed: ed wants to go to a casino!

Vash: I think you're a little young…

Ein: *whimpers*

MN: just say you work there….

Link: like that's gunna work….

Ed: *at a nightclub door, talking to the bouncer*

Bouncer: must be 21.

Ed: but ed works here!

Bouncer: oh, I'm terribly sorry! Please, go in, free of charge

Ed: and so do them!

Bouncer: please, go right ahead!

Vash: remind me to give you a raise

Bouncer: yes, sir!

MN: well, that was easy…

Ed: ed wants to count cards!

MN: I could teach you-

Ed: nah, ed's already got a method. See ya! *frolics away*

Ein: bark! *follows ed*

MN: *close to Vash* that guys staring at me…

Floosie: show us your boobs!

Vash: yeah, show us your boobs!!

MN: _Vash!!_

Vash: what?!?

*aggravated groans coming form a crowed bunched around a card table, some cheering*

Amaya: wonder what's going on over there?

Vash, MN, Amaya: *walks over to see*

Ed: yes! Ed won! Ed won!

Ein: bark! Bark!

Dealer: no way! That's the tenth time in a row! Your cheating!

Players: yeah!!!

Ed: uh-oh! Ein, there on to us! *grabs cash and runs, ein taking some in his mouth* RUUUUNNN!!!!!!!

All: *running as fast as they can, Las Vegas chasing them*

Amaya: ed! What did you do?!?

Ed: ed only wanted to get money and make happiness!

Las Vegas: get 'em! *catches them, takes all of the money, throws out of Las Vegas boarder lines* and stay out! We don't have room for sleezebags in _Las Vegas!!!_

Vash: wow, and it wasn't even me this time!

Ed: ed didn't mean to! But ein still hasn't broken his habbit…

Vash: what habbit?

Link: NO NO!!! heh…its nothing…

Ein: *growls at link's groin*

Link: it's still swelled up from last time…

All: eeewww! That's just gross!

MN: how did you win so many times?

Ed: ein looked at their cards and told ed!

Ein: bark!

Ed: ed thinks ed made it worse when ed poured the Bloody Mary's down the dealer's pants…

Ein: bark!

End chapter 4

Floosies in Las Vegas? That's MADNESS!


End file.
